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Responding Gate: On Ambition

by Nomon Tim Burnett
July 28, 2008

Dear Sangha,

 

Last month I shared some thoughts with you about healthy discipline. In the meantime circumstances have led me from studying healthy discipline to the study of ambition. I spoke at length the other night at the zendo about my own professional and personal history around ambition. Like most realizations it is painfully obvious to me now but I really didn't get it before a few weeks ago that I've been really very ambitious in life. That conditioning towards ambition with all of its striving and desire and with all of its productivity and rewards, has been a major theme of my life.

You can read my lecture notes or listen to the actual talk (by downloading an mp3 recording) at our Dharma Talks page:  http://www.redcedarzen.org/dharmatalk.html

The short version is that I've had occasion to face a large pile of boxes in the garage containing the materials I purchased and created and scrounged up during my brief public school teaching career. Going through this boxes has brought much strong emotion to the fore:  grief, anger, joy, many memories. But most importantly I stood there amazed before my boxes (or the boxes of the 9 years ago me, is that the same me as today's me?). I stood there amazed at my own ambition. The quantity and quality of the materials before me was really astounding. It looks like the stuff of an experienced teacher after 10 years of teaching not a younger man after less than 2 years of teaching. So many projects and worksheets and art activities and math games. So much passion and effort.  So much ambition, and not a little suffering was in those boxes.

And it was very interesting to have an experience of the healing that comes with time. That it's been long enough that I have softened up on my identity and ambition around being a school teacher. The person who loaded those boxes eight years ago doesn't feel like me exactly, but neither is it not me. It's as if when enough time goes by our illusion of self, so compelling in the short term, loses some of it's power. It could have been anyone's boxes of stuff and as such had less power of me than it once did. I literally have been unable to face these boxes and the grief and loss they represent to me until now. I worked so hard to become a teacher and it didn't work out. Or really some earlier version of me did and now he's gone. The Buddha spoke of suffering due to change but here was healing due to change. Everything has these two sides I guess. And I know several of you are lately working on difficult personal issues that go way back in time, things more powerful than a career path unexpectedly going into storage. You have my sympathy and support, but also my encouragement. It's tremendously healing to go through those old boxes once you're ready.

At the end of my talk I publically renounced ambition! I mentioned this to a friend the other day and she was surprised by this. "Isn't ambition good? You get good things done by being ambitious." And I guess my current understanding is no, amibition is not so good. Ambition is effort dominated by desire and dissatisfaction with things as they are. It is an off balance reaching for something. It is non-contentment. And in me there is powerful conditioning throwing me forward into ambition constantly. Ambition leads to great accomplishment, sure, some of the kids in my classes greatly benefitted from my effort. But amition has an an off balance feeling to it, it has a kind of desparation to it that means I'm always a little off-center, always not quite grounded and very vulnerable to being knocked over.

In renouncing ambition I am not renouncing action, I am not renouncing projects and moving forward. I am not renouncing serving others and doing the best I can with the energy and time I have in this life to create beauty and joy in this life as I can. What I am trying to work on is the basis of that effort. To let the basis of that effort not have that quality of reaching and grabbiness. I am seeking effort that is grounded in deep contentment with things as they are.  I am seeking effort that is the joyful and natural next step in accord with things as they are.  I'm sure I have challenges ahead in life. We all do. We are alive, we are dying, all around us are both alive and dying, that in itself is challenge enough. But I hope and pray that I will continue through my practice to study deep contentment and joy as the basis for my action, not dissatisfaction and reaching out so far that I am always a little off balance.

In renouncing amibition I am reminding myself to practice contentment and appreciation. To appreciate more deeply the gift of this life we are given. We have this precious gift of life, do we really appreciate how lucky we are? To get able to awaken in the morning and see the blue sky of summer. To be alive for some years and watch the pine tree outside the window growing steadily taller each year. To be with children. To see fish swimming and birds flying. This life and this world are a treasure and a disaster both.  May our deep commitment to the Bodhisattva's life of healing and service be a gifting of contentment and joy not a desparate struggle. That is what I hope to learn about in the years to come.

So if you see me running around with that crazed look in my eye of reaching ever further forward please remind me that I have renounced ambition. A sangha member told me the other day "We don't want to see you with a screwdriver in your hand anymore!" which was very helpful. But if you see me working steadily with joy in heart, working steadily for the welfare of all beings and growth of our beautiful practice I hope you'll give me your full support. And I will do my best to the same for you.

Last Month's note on the 10 Paramitas

In writing to you last month about the 10 perfect practices of Mahayana Buddhism -the 10 paramitas - I had a question about one and was confused about another. The last 2 paramitas were not clear to me, but I am grateful that our Guiding Teacher, Zoketsu Norman Fischer, spoke about these 2 paramitas a lecture at Samish Island this year.

 

For the first 8 paramitas my notes were fine, but for the last two here are a few corrections.

Paramita #9) Bala paramita - spiritual power. This really does mean spiritual and psychic powers, but the Buddha emphasized always that the only purpose of practice is understanding suffering and the end of suffering. So if one develops special spiritual powers that is their purpose. And Norman mentioned the wonderful spritiual power of Suzuki roshi that we emphasize in this lineage. That is the power of seeing the majesty and beautity of ordinary things. The perfection of "things as it is" as Suzuki roshi would say. To be able to really feel that and share that sensibility, not as an idea but as a lived experience. This is a spiritual power is a great gift for the world.

Paramita #10) Jhana paramita - I was earlier conflating Jhana Paramita with Prajna Paramita (transcendant wisdom). Jhana paramita is actually regular knowledge. Knowing useful information. A reminder that Buddhism and Zen are far from anti-intellectual as the "pure Zen" appologists who influenced our initial understanding of Zen in the West might have led us to belief. It's good to study and learn things. As in my discussion of ambition it does matter for our happiness how we approach learning, we will never know even a small fraction of the stuff that could be known so we need not be ambitious and desparate in our learning, but it is part of the spiritual path to study and learn and increase our knowledge of ourselves and our world.

Speaking of learning, the many volunteers who contribute to Wikipedia online are creating a wonderful resource for all kinds of learning. The biased and misleading articles that you read about in the media are really quite few and mostly in political articles. Wikipedia might not be the best source of information on current politicians and business leaders but it is an excellent source of information about just about everything else and the growing section of Buddhism is actualy pretty great. And equally great is that we can contribute to it. You click "edit" on there and you can correct or add something to an article…instantly!  I myself did a few corrections and added a pictures for the page on Norman. (If you're reading this Norman did you know you'd made Wikipedia?!).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoketsu_Norman_Fischer

And looking at it now I see it's been improved quite a bit further. Magical really how Wikipedia just improves.

Here is the page on the paramitas which is brief but has a nice comparison of Theravadin and Mahayana understanding of this list

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paramitas

www.everydayzen.org

Thanks to the work of many people, the Everyday Zen website has become a real resource for the community. For example the seven Dharma Talks that Norman gave at this last Samish Island retreat are online and available to you to download. You do need to learn how download and listen to mp3 recordings. And if you aren't up for that there are also more than 100 written teachings on the site as well.  We do plan to organize a computer at the Dharma Hall which will be able to burn audio CD's that work in a regular stereo and provide those for the library but it's not really so difficult to do this yoursel f on any modern computer. Drop me a line and I'll hook you up with someone who can help.

Here are directions for finding those Samish Island talks:

1) go to www.everydayzen.org

2) click on Teachings at the top

3) on the left click on "By Location" which opens a list of locations, click on "Samish Island"

4) click on the Audio tab (upper center of the screen)

5) just under the tabs see where is says "Sort the List:" and to the right of that click on "by date"

6) this gives you the most recent Samish Island recordings

Some Great Upcoming Events

Fall is the time we start up again with sangha events. A time to refocus our energy and consider the changing of the seasons. What do you want to focus on as we move again into the dark time of the year?  Our annual winter practice period is just over the horizon (January 27th-March 8th, 2009, this year). The full list is below with more details and on our website but I want to highlight three really wonderful events this Fall.

Annual Mountains & Rivers Hiking Retreat with Bob Penny and myself

Thursday September 04, 7:00pm - Sunday September 07, 5:00pm

 

This is a very wonderful trip. It is mildly demanding physically but I think do-able for a wider range of people than it might at first appear. The backpacking portion is 4 miles done on the first and last days with a gentle climb to the camp. Bob will gladly help people new to backpacking organize equipment and prepare for the experience. Once there the camp is breathtaking: a sub-alpine meadow just below the south side of Mount Baker. Sitting in zazen, walking mindfully, chanting D�gen, being with sangha in the beauty of the wilderness. I can't recommend this trip highly enough. I will be attending this year and I do offer practice discussion and possibly a dharma talk during the retreat.

There is a beautiful photo essay on our website that gives you a sense of this. The numbers are limited by wilderness regulations to a small group so please contact Bob soon if you would like to come.

The Heart Sutra with Red Pine

Sunday September 14, 6:00am - 2:00pm

Red Cedar Dharma Hall

The last visit with Red Pine was a joy and his translation work is helping the English speaking Buddhist world tremendously. This translations of Heart Sutra, Diamond Sutra, and Platform Sutra in particular are helping us reexamine the core Mahayana and Zen texts. That an important translator of our time lives just across the water in Port Townsend and is willing to come do retreats with us is really a wonderful thing. Come is you can. Pre-registration on our website.

7 day residential Zen Sesshin with Zoketsu Norman Fischer

November 16 - 22, 2008

Loon Lake, Mission, BC

Sponsored by our sister sangha in Vancouver, Mountain Rain Zen Community, this is an opportunity to practice deeply in a beautiful and very quiet setting.  This week-long retreat which runs Sunday afternoon through Saturday afternoon at Loon Lake Camp located approximately 60 km from downtown Vancouver, on the shores of Loon Lake. A site of deep forest, mist, and beauty.

http://www.mountainrainzen.ca.

I especially recommend attending Mountain Rain's retreats for people who are involved in organizing our sangha. It's important and very helpful to go to another groups retreat where you aren't involved in all of those details. Where you can just show up and practice.

Open Houses conclude

This from Mary Apple who coordinated our 4-week Open House project at Red Cedar Dharma Hall:

Thanks to all who volunteered to represent the hall at the open houses on Saturdays in July. Although none of the Saturdays drew large numbers, they undoubtedly drew interest from several who were seriously interested in investigating a meditation practice.  Most of those who came to the hall to ask questions indicated that our being open on a Saturday, and being open without the pressure of showing up to a service, helped them to feel comfortable in exploring what the hall has to offer. Thanks again.

--Mary Apple

If you're interested in helping Mary with other outreach projects you can contact her at mo4metta@yahoo.com.

Member's surveyed, Leadership working on responding

I'd like to extend a very large thank you to Membership Coordinator Bernadette Prinster and the team (Kathy McKenna, Edie Norton, and Karen McMains) who have so far interviewed 26 sangha members. Speaking for up to an hour with each person to find out your concerns and interests as the sangha starts into this next chapter of our life together. It's amazing and wonderful to me that this could happen.

The survey crew presented their initial findings to the Leadership Council on Saturaday and the information gathered is really helpful.  In responding to serving members well, ensuring our long term future and our continued use of our wonderful Dharma Hall, the members of the Leadership Council are starting work on structural changes and communication improvements to make sure we are working together as a community to practice Zen and continue being able to offer this practice to the Bellingham community and beyond for years to come.

If you have concerns or feel out of the loop, please be patient , we'll be back to you soon and we look forward to including you more fully in decision making and sangha work as everyone's interests and aptitudes allow. And if you are interested in speaking to the membership survey team about our sangha life and haven't heard from them feel free to contact Bernadette as they are continuing this interview project for a while longer yet. This invitation applies to members and supports outside of the Bellingham area too. If you appreciate what we do and have some ideas for our future together I encourage you to speak with Bernadette and co.  (Leadership Council contact info below).

Corrected Leadership Council list and a few legal details

My phone number and Diane's last name were wrong in the list emailed out earlier. Please do feel very free to contact any member of the Leadership Council or use the leadership@redcedarzen.org email to send a note to all of the members of the council.

The Leadership Council is the Board of Directors of the Red Cedar Zen Community. Red Cedar Zen Community is a registered non-profit corporation in the State of Washington and further receive our 501c(3) Federal tax exempt status from the IRS through the group exemption offered by the Bellingham Dharma Association (formerly Bellingham Dharma Hall). Note however that we are completely our own organization and set our own direction. The 501c(3) tax status as a "subordinate" (the IRS's term) organization simply means we will maintain good relations with the Bellingham Dharma Assocation (on which I am also a Board member) and submit a brief annual report on our activities. The group exemption/subordinate entity pathway was a choice we made to skip the time consuming and expensive process of applying for 501c(3) status independently and it confers upon us all of the benefits of this tax-exempt status. Should anything change and that arrangement no longer make sense we will apply for 501c(3) status as independently at that time.

Red Cedar Zen Community Leadership Council (Board of Directors)

Contacting the entire Leadership Council can be done by emailing a message to

leadership@redcedarzen.org

This will copy every current member.

New phone line at the building (Voice Mail generally checked by Membership Coordinator) is 360-312-7088 but it does quietly ring downstairs you might reach someone if you call during an event.

upcoming events

Red Cedar Dharma Hall invites you to participate in any of the following upcoming events. For more information about these events, including online registration, visit our web site at www.redcedarzen.org.

August 2008

Introduction to Zen

Saturday August 02, 9:00am - 1:00pm

Red Cedar Dharma Hall

An introductory class and retreat with Resident Priest Nomon Tim Burnett. The basics on sitting and walking meditation and other ritual forms. On the spirit of living a life of healthy discipline with the guidance of Zen Buddhism. Designed for new students or those wanting to renew and deepen their understanding. There will be plenty of time for questions and discussion.  Online pre-registration requested.

Summer Picnic

Saturday August 23, 2:00pm - 6:00pm

Lake Padden

Mark you calendar for our summer picnic, a joint production with Bellingham Insight.

Meditation for Parents, Art for Children

Fridays in August, 11:30am - 1:30pm

Red Cedar Dharma Hall

This popular new program continues through August and possibly beyond. Please see the website for details and please let parents in the Bellingham area who might be interested in a chance to practice meditation with community know about this opportunity. The children's program teacher, Shelby Sneva, is doing a wonderful job providing a quality experience for kids as their parents meditate. Children of all ages are very welcome. Note to parents of younger children: please come prepared to be flexible, if there are more babies and toddlers than Shelby is comfortable working with at once parents may need to switch off sometimes.

September 2008

Annual Mountains & Rivers Hiking Retreat with Bob Penny, M.S., naturalist & experiential educator and Resident Priest Nomon Tim Burnett

Thursday September 04, 7:00pm - Sunday September 07, 5:00pm

Mount Baker area

Inspired by Dogen's Mountain and Rivers Sutra, this retreat includes silent backpacking through a beautiful old growth hemlock forest to a seldom-visited base camp at Mazama Park, just south of Mount Baker at the foot of Park Butte. Camp activities include traditional zen practice, a short solo exercise, and opportunities for day hiking.

The retreat is led by Bob Penny, M.S., naturalist, senior Zen student and experiential educator. Hiking is gentle to moderate, four and a half miles one way. A sturdy three-sided shelter is available for meditation if the weather is bad. Cost (includes breakfasts, dinners and trail parking passes) is $80.

Participants provide their own lunches and trail snacks. Limited to 12 participants. Registration deadline is Sunday, August 31st.

To register, or for any questions, please call Bob Penny at (360) 398-8834.

• Mountains & Rivers Photo Essay
• Another Step on the Journey, dharma talk from Nomon Tim Burnett on the night before the 2003 hiking retreat

 

 

The Heart Sutra with Red Pine

Sunday September 14, 6:00am - 2:00pm

Red Cedar Dharma Hall

Here for his second visit to Red Cedar Dharma Hall, the author of several noted translations of sutras, including The Heart Sutra (Shoemaker 2004) and Zen and Taoist poets, Red Pine (Bill Porter) joins us for a morning of zazen and study of the Heart Sutra.

Join us for an illuminating morning unpacking a core Zen text with this gifted translator and teacher. You may arrive for early morning zazen at 6am and breakfast, or arrive at 9am for zazen, Bill's lectures, service, and an informal lunch.

Registration $30 - $60. Preregistration required see our website www.RedCedarZen.org or contact the registrar Diane Mirro at registrar@redcedarzen.org or 360-305-7869

You can listen to the 2 hour class Red Pine gave on his last visit to Red Cedar Dharma Hall on our Dharma Talks page.

October 2008

October 2008 Study Retreat

Saturday October 11, 8:00am - Sunday October 12, 3:00pm

Red Cedar Dharma Hall

In this two-day study retreat Norman will teach on an important topic in Buddhism. Details TBA.

In previous retreats Norman taught on the Prajna Paramita wisdom sutras, Shantideva, and Zen Koans.

A study retreat is a regular feature in our fall practice schedule.

These retreats include sitting and walking meditation, but their main focus is study and discussion. There will be two talks and question-and-answer periods each day. Individual interviews with the teacher (dokusan) are not available at study retreats.

Scholarships to cover up to half of the retreat cost are available. Please contact the registrar.

November 2008

Loon Lake Sesshin

Sunday November 16, 4:00pm - Saturday November 22, 4:00pm

Loon Lake Camp, near Mission B.C.

7 day residential Zen Sesshin with Zoketsu Norman Fischer

Loon Lake, Mission, BC

A week-long retreat which runs Sunday afternoon through Saturday afternoon, sponsored by the Mountain Rain Zen Community. The retreat will be held at Loon Lake Camp located approximately 60 km from downtown Vancouver, on the shores of Loon Lake. This beautiful lakeside setting is found within the UBC Malcolm Knapp Research Forest, a 5000-hectare forest.

Registration materials will be posted on Mountain Rain's website:

http://www.mountainrainzen.ca/retreats.html

January - March 2009

Winter 2009 Practice Period

January 22 - March 8

Red Cedar Dharma Hall

Our annual period of more intensive practice. Look for extra zazen meetings, a class by the head student, opening and closing retreats with Zoketsu Norman Fischer and more.

June 2009

Samish Sesshin 2009

Friday June 19, 5:00pm - Saturday June 27, 12 noon

Save the date for Samish 2009. This year's retreat will be a silent Zen sesshin (meditation retreat).

yours,

Tim

 

Nomon Tim Burnett

Resident Priest

 

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