by Nomon Tim Burnett
March 19, 2007
Dear Sangha friends,
I had a rough night last night at the end of a rough week. My wife and son have been sick and we had to cancel a trip to a family reunion as my sister's house. This resulted in various family fall out - things not being said and much anger and betrayal implied. As I stumbled around trying to figure out how to talk to my mom and sister and watched myself slipping into our particular family pattern of avoiding conflict by not really saying what I was feeling I could feel my chest tightening and my mind racing. I was already tired of course after many challenging days juggling work and caring for Janet and Walker. Janet has had some ongoing health problems and last night when she woke me up coughing I realized as the anxiety built in my mind that there is a deep fear that she will never be fully healthy again.
Not that you need to know my family troubles and about my late nights. I bring all of this up because it all reminds me just how hard it is to be a person and have a mind, a family, to have love and desire, to be in this complex topsy-turvy world where things never quite work out the way we want them to.
Buddhism has the reputation for being a bit of a downer, a bit pessimistic, so
concerned with suffering. And yet as I struggle today to work with a difficult
storm in the mind I really appreciate Buddhism for it's encouragement to be
realistic and deeply honest. Conditions from the past and present have come
together to generate a lot of anxiety right now. It's kind of interesting to
watch the mind when it's in this anxious state grabbing onto a series of
thoughts and ideas as the focus of anxiety. That email I sent that probably I
shouldn't have. A dharma friend's apparently mixed up state. Whether I can keep
up with my schedule. Will my wife ever be fully health again. And on and on and
on. The more I see this as a pattern the less reality and hold is has over me.
Not that I am seeking a mental trick to allow me to avoid the issues in my life. I do need to look at my fears about my wife's health. I do need to look for ways to be supportive of my friend. I do need to look carefully at my schedule to see if I can reduce a few things or manage the time a little better in order to have some more ease in my life.
It's just I need to learn and understand over and over again that it's not real in the way I think it is. We all have the experience of waking up in the middle of the night anxious about something and then later on in the light of day it's hard to even know what our problem was. The things we worry about are real and they are also not real. They are not real in the way we think they are. And as conditions change so does our perception of their weight and gravity. We can have problems but not be as caught by them. That really is possible.
That's where the Buddha was not pessimistic at all in his analysis of our life and it's potential. Problems without being caught in them are not problems at all. There are just situations and conditions to be responded to, they are just the next thing to turn to. Needing to call our upset friend is non-different from needing to fill the car up with gas or make lunch. It's just the next thing. Sure we need a little more attention and focus than we do in making a sandwich to be of real service to our friend, but on the other hand we would probably enjoy our sandwich more if we gave it the same love and attention as we our friend.
And when we are able to shift our attitude and live in this spirit of responding and giving to ourselves and to the world with less of an agenda and open our hearts to whatever our experience is - so called good or so called bad, there is something just right about our life. It's really okay to be joyful and it's really okay to suffer, and we start to notice that joy and suffering are deeply intertwined on each moment.
I've been thinking more about how our life is revealed in our relationships with others. Our central relationship is of course with ourself. Even the most social among us it really alone most of the time. How do you treat yourself? How do you perceive yourself? And now does that primary relationship of self with self color and control how you relate to others across the spectrum of your life? And through your practice of meditation can you start to understand your life as a little more fluid than you used to think. Things come and go, and endless ceaseless flow. We have some influence but we can't control it. The place can make effective change is how we respond to it all, how we work with it, how we practice with it.
As you might know I have taken on the project of offering workshops in the style Norman has pioneered over the last years. A kind of informal Zen retreat - I'm calling them Zen Community Workshops - some meditation, a little gentle yoga, short dharma talks and the practice of structured conversations, and mostly bringing to them the spirit of sesshin - the spirit of deep listening and awareness that arises to formal Zen students most obviously during our long meditation retreats. These workshops are really a kind of support to investigate our hearts and our lives. To pause, take stock, take a look. In order to give us a focus for our investigations we pick a topic for each workshop, and the topic for the workshop coming on this Saturday (10am - 4pm, Sat. March 24) is relationships. I found a really beautiful place to do these retreats, an old family farm and estate right on the waters of Chuckanut Bay, now owned by Bellingham City Parks. It's a treat just getting to spend the day there. There is still room in the workshop if you are in the area - our website www.bellinghamzen.org has the details and info on how to register, and scholarships are available if the cost ($40-$80 sliding scale, dana included) is a barrier.
I sincerely hope these workshops prove useful to people. Both to those whose fate seems to be to take on a formal meditation practice and for those who aren't so likely to do that. We are all of us seeking something. And we have certainly learned time and time again that answers are right to hand. The real nature of our life is revealed to us if we can stop and let it seep in. We need support, we need a little structure sometimes, but as DÅgen said, "The family treasures do not enter through the front gate." Or to use another famous metaphor, the pearl of our wisdom was sewn into our old coat all this time, we didn't have to search high and low for it - or maybe we did, but only to in the end to get back home again.
Recent Events
Our 2007 Winter practice period finished with a beautiful head student's dharma inquiry ceremony (shuso hossenshiki) at the end of our 3-day March sesshin with Norman at the Bellingham Dharma Hall. Shuso Kyoan Sandy Taylor brought her great love for the dharma and the sangha (and the Buddha too!) out so beautifully as she responded to each dharma question with grace, kindness and clarity. Sandy also taught a 4-week class on commitment and the Eight-Fold Path which was well received. During the practice period Sandy faced some significant personal challenges and her cheerful acceptance of all that is was a moving teaching for me and all of the practice period participants. Thank you everyone - practice period is always such an incredible community effort - and thank you Sandy for coming up from Seattle week after week with such dedication to guide us and bring your spirit out so fully.
Upcoming Events
Relationships, Zen Community Workshop
Wednesday March 24, 10:00am - 04:00pm
Woodstock Farm (directions with confirmation)
An exploration of the important topic of the relationships in our lives with Resident Priest Nomon Tim Burnett. Zen Community Workshops are Zen retreats with a light and friendly touch. They include short periods of sitting meditation, gentle yoga, light work, teachings and intimate discussion in a retreat setting. Set aside some time to join us in deeply exploring together topics of interest and importance.
This one day retreat will be held at Woodstock Farm. Woodstock Farm is the new jewel in the crown of the Bellingham City Parks system. Just south of Bellingham on the waters of Chuckanut Bay we will meet in a turn of the century farm house and do light work and walks on the beautiful grounds with views of the San Juan islands.
The retreat is from 10am to 4pm on Saturday March 24th. There will be short meditation with some guidance, gentle yoga, talks, discussion, light mindful work, and time to sit quietly and enjoy the beautiful environment of Woodstock Farm. Allow some extra time to park remotely and walk in to the site. Plan to bring a bag lunch (tea provided). Additional details will be sent to you after registration.
For additional information please contact the Registrar at 360-510-3167or registrar@bellinghamzen.org. To register online for this event please complete our online registration form at www.bellinghamzen.org.
Deep Beginnings - a retreat for new and old students
Saturday April 07, 6:00 am - noon
Bellingham Dharma Hall
A half-day Zen retreat embracing the possibilities of sitting in meditation before dawn. A retreat designed to offer the full experience and depth of a Zen meditation retreat while also offering additional support and practice suggestions for newer students. New students and students in other traditions are welcome.
The retreat will include sitting and walking meditation, chanting and bowing service, a simple vegetarian breakfast (provided), a Dharma Talk by Resident Priest Nomon Tim Burnett and the opportunity for small group or individual meetings with Tim.
Check back again for registration information at www.bellinghamzen.org.
"A Metta Retreat" - full title and details forthcoming
Kakushi Kate McCandless
Saturday May 5, probably 8:30 am - 4:30 pm
Bellingham Dharma Hall
A study retreat on Metta (loving kindness) and the Brahma Viharas with Kate McCandless, priest with our sister sangha the Mountain Rain Zen Community in Vancouver. Details still being worked out. Check www.bellinghamzen.org in a few weeks.
Non-residential Zen Retreat with Zoketsu Norman Fischer
May 11 - 13, 2007
University of British Columbia, Vancouver, BC
A weekend retreat which runs Friday evening through Sunday afternoon, sponsored by the Mountain Rain Zen Community. The retreat is non-residential, but the MRZC sangha does their best to find housing for out-of-town retreatants. Registration has not yet begun - see www.mountainrainzen.ca
Residential Sesshin on Samish Island
Wednesday June 23
Samish Island, WA
Mark your calendars early for this special annual event. Every June we offer a full 7-day (8 nights) sesshin in residence at the Community of Christ's camp on beautiful Samish Island. Great Blue Herons fly overhead while swallows dance above the grass as we rise at 5am each day for sitting and walking meditation inside and outside, daily Dharma talks with our teacher, Zoketsu Norman Fischer, delicious vegetarian meals, simple outdoor work, and private interviews with Zoketsu and with senior students. Sleeping in simple but comfortable cabins we spend the week away from phones, newspapers, and our busy daily schedule. Together we settle deeply into the practice of the Way in this lovely spot.
Check back again for registration information. www.bellinghamzen.org
Sangha News
Nothing is firm yet but it's looking like that the Zen group will move our headquarters in Bellingham. The Bellingham Dharma Hall is in the process of considering some internal restructuring and a move. The new place will be larger, more accessible, and have at least one additional room to make more classes and informal programs possible as well as allow for larger public events like the lecture series I sponsored last Fall (for that I had to use the Unitarian Church as our current place is much too small). Exciting and a potential challenge for us. The challenge will be financial. Just after we've asked (and you've do generously responded) for an increase in membership contributions to create a stipend for me we will need to ask again as the rent will be quite a bit higher. Through more outreach and programs we will do our best to spread the base of support wider but at least in the short term we may need to call on our supporters to be as generous as they can. We will do our best to make a good decision for our long term future. More news on this soon!
Deep Gratitude
The membership donations keep coming in and as you know the Zen group Leadership Council has decided that 75% of all membership donations come to me for partial support. I have already reduced the hours in my job to 30 hours and maybe in a few years if this keeps up I'll be able to reduce further and devote more time to the Dharma. I am humbled and so grateful for your support. I remember once over dinner I told Norman, "Well this is so bizarre to me, I never thought I'd be anywhere in the neighborhood of being a dharma teacher." His reply? "That's how I feel too."
Yours in the Dharma,
Nomon Tim
Resident Priest Nomon Tim Burnett has been a student of Zoketsu Norman Fischer since 1987 when he was a resident at San Francisco Zen Center's Green Gulch Farm. After sitting practice periods at Green Gulch and Tassajara Zen Monastery, Tim helped found the Bellingham Zen Practice Group in 1991. Tim was ordained as a Zen Priest by Norman in June, 2000. Like his teacher, Tim is interested in the possibility of deep and complete practice by lay people.
A person of wide-ranging professional interests, Tim has been a botanist, elementary schoolteacher, writer, and computer programmer. In addition to his work at the Resident Priest of Red Cedar Zen Community, Tim works as a software developer.